Necrotongue

Today, I had to find out why I had only given this film three stars in the past, especially with such a solid cast. Now I know. The film kicked off decently, and the fact that a Scottish/Irish actor was playing a Native American didn't bother me at all. What did bother me was the script, which after a promising start, began to feel somewhat lackluster. There were moments when I found myself slightly bored, and on top of that, Joseph Gordon-Levitt's constant yelling got annoying. I wouldn't have minded the lack of an original plot if it had delivered some good old-fashioned action with a noir atmosphere (as the film's opening promised). However, everything I liked seemed to fizzle out gradually. / Lesson learned: Watch out for the blackbird: he may like to sing, but he's a damn thief. Gardeners will surely agree with me.

Even though this wasn't my first time seeing the film, I let myself be surprised once again. When Americans make a movie about the disabled, I usually brace myself for relentless melodrama and a thinly veiled call to collective sympathy. Both tend to grate on my nerves, making me clench my teeth. But that wasn't the case here. Instead of a tearjerker that would have me scratching out my eyes, the creators delivered a refreshingly civil film filled with subtle humor. Despite its essentially serious subject matter, it left me in a good mood. / Lesson learned: It's never too late. Until it is.

After years, I decided to give Stolen another go, just to see if I had been too harsh. Turns out, I wasn't. Considering the creative mess this film is, it barely scraped by with my one-star rating simply because I was too lazy to bother changing it. Sure, it was action-packed to the brim, but a script devoid of basic logic can turn even an action movie into a snoozefest. Another issue was the main "hero"; a noble thief with a poignant life story and a great personality - I just couldn't root for someone like that, even when his suffering is deepened by the fact that his transsexual daughter gets kidnapped. / Lesson learned: Is the Terminator threatening you? Call Robocop.

A crazy collection of short stories of significantly varying quality. Some tales teetered on the edge of trash, while others were quite enjoyable - I had a good time with Homeschooled, Truth or Dare, Happy Birthday, Victory's Glory, and Beezel. Even the opening story wasn't bad. I don't think there was anything shocking about the movie, but I enjoyed it overall. The only story that didn't sit well with me was the one with Chris Pratt and Anna Faris. / Lesson learned: Set boundaries for every activity, and stick to them. 3*+

A pure action flick with a straightforward plot, and since the creators didn't try to make it into something it's not, it served its purpose. Viewers can switch off, relax, and watch the settling of Colombian scores on American soil, where logic often takes a back seat and some of the effects are a bit over the top. But that's okay; if you're a fan of the action genre, you'll still get a kick out of it despite its flaws. If action isn't your thing, then it's probably best to pass. For me, the film did the trick. / Lesson learned: Watch out for women with cute names. They can be deceiving.

The series started off fairly decent; it wasn't a masterpiece by any means, but if you wanted to unwind and have some easy entertainment, both the first and second seasons fit the bill. That's why the third season came as such a big surprise to me; it was a steep decline in quality that left a bitter taste. While I used to enjoy it quite a bit, the third season was just dull, and the attempts to reference current events didn't help its case. / Lesson learned: Stay alert, unpleasant surprises are waiting for a chance to strike.

What a massive letdown. After two watchable seasons, the creators hit us with this crapfest. I honestly can't find another word to describe what I saw. I don't know how old I'd have to be to appreciate the humor. Twelve? The dialogue was pathetic, and I was bored out of my mind. / Lesson learned: If a series keeps getting worse with each season, it's time to bail.

Well, it could have been a decent massacre with detailed demonstrations of the internal arrangement of human anatomy, but apparently the creators were a bit scared of that and instead put a Brazilian pseudo-moralist in the role of the biggest villain. From his fiery speech, the movie basically stopped entertaining me because, although I am not one of the unfortunate ones who have to wander through life burdened by the immense weight of their movable and immovable property, I am against nationalizing both property and bodily organs. Whether a Marxist-Leninist theorist or a surgeon philosophizes about similar matters, both are ripe for a blow with a blunt object before they move from words to actions.

When I first saw this film years ago, it struck me as quite funny and entertaining. That's why today I'm a bit puzzled because the humor felt forced from the start. The truth is, most scenes that used to make me laugh now left me in awkward silence, unable to figure out what I had enjoyed about the film before. It wasn't the fault of the cast which was stellar; the blame falls mostly on the script and direction. The film did have its funny moments, but they were painfully few, and the creators drowned them in awkwardness, especially in the final parade of clichés. / Lesson learned: A helmet with a fake ponytail and tattoo sleeves won't turn you into a biker.

I enjoy watching films about anti-Nazi resistance, even though it's almost always clear how they'll end. They usually (logically) focus on people who couldn't sit idly by and were willing to sacrifice their lives for a 'higher principle.' At the same time, I have a significant issue with the theme because freedom fighters often disregarded what they saw as 'collateral damage,' which unfortunately could be substantial, often due to breaches in conspiratorial rules. This film highlighted another (fairly common) problem - the inconsistent orders from foreign headquarters, often at odds with each other (to the detriment of shared goals). The biggest weakness of the film, in my opinion, was that the creators didn't allow me to form a closer bond with the two main characters. When the most charismatic figure to me is the Gestapo chief, something seems off. / Lesson for resistance fighters: Never trust anyone.