Necrotongue

Having seen several Finnish war films before, today's entry certainly didn't rank among the best. It wasn't necessarily bad, but it did suffer from some noticeable flaws. The extras were bustling around Finnish forests from left to right and vice versa with great diligence, yet the story felt somewhat incomplete to me. It seemed like a collection of randomly assembled episodes with a plethora of characters, leaving me unable to establish any real connection because the creators didn't allow for that. However, I must give credit to the intelligently inserted archival footage, which did benefit the plot. In my opinion, the Finns could have put more effort into the film; the bravery and abilities of their soldiers definitely deserved better representation. / Lesson learned: Let the Panzerfaust breathe freely.

The Hungarians have once again delivered, this time with a quality ghost story that immerses you in a fantastically gloomy and oppressive atmosphere. What stood out to me was the absence of cheap jump scares; instead, the creators crafted a cohesive narrative that slowly builds up the tension. Post-mortem photographs have made their mark in horror films like The Others, but the Hungarians took this concept further. Unlike typical Western ghost horror movies with a group of paranormal experts, this story was set in the Hungarian countryside shortly after the end of the Great War. It was morbidly refreshing to see the returnees from the afterworld fight against an elusive enemy. I found myself thoroughly entertained throughout, though towards the end, I felt the creators rushed things a bit. The story deserved a more elaborate conclusion. And poor Marcsa, such high hopes... / Lesson learned: Be cautious of unstable ground.

The film delves into a well-known episode of the First World War, one that disrupted the peaceful slumber of the higher command on both sides of the Western Front. For a front-line commander, there's nothing worse than soldiers realizing that the enemy in the trenches isn't all that different from themselves. When ordinary soldiers start seeing their foes as fellow human beings despite all the indoctrination, morale takes a nosedive, something that must be promptly prevented. This could have been a fantastic film if the creators had taken a more restrained approach. Instead, it veered into a realm of melodrama and clichés, gradually morphing into what felt like a farce. The final switch of trenches was the tipping point. Yes, war is chaotic, message received, but if the creators had presented it to me without unnecessary silliness, I could have appreciated their effort more and rated it higher.

This film left me feeling quite unsettled, however, the story itself could have used some serious polishing. At times, it dragged on to the point where I found myself incredibly bored, almost to the point of exasperation. Categorized as a psychological horror, the film attempted to psychologically disturb me with some truly repulsive elements. Yet, the biggest issue for me was the setting itself. I couldn't help but notice the constant reminders of my upcoming window replacements and painting job next week. All that mold and peeling paint left me feeling rather uneasy. Adding to the discomfort, even the actors themselves weren't particularly easy on the eyes, leaving me aesthetically deprived. / Lesson learned: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. 2*+

The runtime of this film might seem daunting to those unfamiliar with the subject, but considering it spans thirty years of guerrilla activities by the Japanese army on the island of Lubang, it's quite understandable. Having read Onoda's book "No Surrender: My Thirty-Year War" many years ago, I was initially shocked by the unbelievable account, but the film couldn't catch me off guard. The creators handled the topic admirably, though they couldn't resist some unnecessary dramatization here and there (the addition of the character Iniez to the plot left me scratching my head - perhaps quotas?). However, both actors portraying Hiro Onoda did an excellent job resembling the original figure. Even though there was very little happening at times that even slightly hinted at action, the film kept me engaged throughout. I appreciated the story of perseverance, sense of duty, and the rigorous training that instills a distrust of false enemy propaganda. Onoda's unwavering approach was admirable, although it's likely that Filipinos, who suffered from his subversive activities, may have a different perspective. / Lesson learned: If you've reached your limit, grit your teeth and push through. 5*-

An animated Witcher prequel from Netflix? After hearing this and having watched two seasons of The Witcher, I didn't approach the movie with high expectations. Netflix has been known to take liberties with the story (looking at you, Filavandrel), but surprisingly, the animated version turned out better for me than the live-action series. However, I still have my fair share of criticisms, particularly with regard to the storyline. / Lesson learned: If you see a crowd of villagers armed with pitchforks and torches, something's probably amiss. 3*-

Horror... The true horror was me having to sit through this trash. I'm left wondering what on earth the creators of this movie were thinking when they greenlit, funded, and filmed this brain diarrhea. Each individual part of the story was mind-numbingly stupid, but when these nonsensical elements collided to form one bizarre whole, it was like the proverbial shit just hit the fan. And suddenly, it was everywhere. The only saving grace for me was Kate Bush during the end credits, but even her ethereal music couldn't salvage anything. / Lesson learned: If you ever get the bright idea to concoct a story involving a B-17, a monster, a child, a woman, a black person, feminism, and chauvinism all set in 1943, do yourself a favor and find something more productive to do.

I'm somewhat puzzled about my rating for this movie because there are a few potential reasons behind it. It could be that I wasn't in the right mood, or perhaps Matthew Vaughn isn't what he used to be (though I'm reluctant to believe that), or maybe the spy genre is just becoming a bit worn out. Whatever the case, this third glimpse into the world of the most secretive of secret services didn't quite captivate me as its predecessors did, and the third star was mainly earned by the stellar cast. I did find it amusing how the plot included numerous historical figures, but the story itself felt afflicted with acute clichés and excessive melodrama. The main plotline was painfully predictable, and the film's runtime seemed overly long for what it offered. I found myself getting quite bored during some stretched-out parts; even the highly anticipated sword-fighting at the end felt like it could have been trimmed down. Overall, I was left wanting more from this movie. / Lesson learned: There's always a Scot behind everything. 3*-

The film could almost have the subtitle: "From the diary of a sergeant in an anti-partisan unit," offering a unique perspective on Hungary's involvement in the war on the Eastern Front. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting that Hungarian units didn't engage in major battles; rather, I appreciate that the creators dared to show that war crimes weren't just a German monopoly. It's refreshing when a film tackles these uncomfortable truths. I particularly liked that the creators didn't rely on explicit violence; instead, they left much to the viewer's imagination, which worked brilliantly. This approach lent the film a haunting atmosphere, especially with the perpetually gloomy weather and the mud of wartime. I'd easily give it four stars, but one star had to be sacrificed for its overly artistic moments; the repetitive views of the forest eventually started to wear on me. / Lesson learned: Always keep your feet dry.

Now that's what I call entertainment! I don't remember the last time I laughed so hard during a disaster movie. The Americans indulged in some self-criticism, allowing Meryl Streep to take on the role of a female version of a hybrid between Donald Trump and George Bush, and she clearly relished every moment of it. The film was packed with contemporary elements: visionaries, internet weirdos, political weirdos, cutting-edge technology, national heroes, renowned scientists, and even a global threat. But the best part? The creators weaved all of this into a pretty functional script, backed by a quality cast, a healthy dose of humor, and it put me in a great mood. Beyond the laughs, the film also left me with a clear sense of hope for the future. Even in humanity's darkest moments, two certainties remain: people's narrow-mindedness and tendency towards herd behavior. It might not seem like much, but it's something to rely on. / Lesson learned: Watch out for Bronterocs! 4*-