Necrotongue

Starting off with my usual three stars, this opening episode didn't blow me away, but it didn't turn me off either. It felt like the creators were just setting the stage and introducing us to the main characters. Out of the main trio, Dove stood out the most. Her hostility towards people and the world was a refreshing change — no unnecessary chit-chat or social niceties from her. / Lesson learned: Ireland is full of nice, kind people.

As I've mentioned in many reviews, Michael Connelly is one of my favorite crime authors. However, movies and series based on his books often miss the mark, lacking the captivating storylines and logic that make his novels feel like a quality Swiss watch. I struggle to understand why screenwriters feel the need to "enhance" stories that are already so well-crafted. In this case, yes, the story was altered to fit a certain duration, but why the unnecessary additional changes? For example, I couldn’t wrap my head around why they completely changed the identity of the main villain. It just didn’t make any sense. And Terrell McCaleb? Based on Connelly's description, I imagined him differently. Clint Eastwood, whom I usually love, didn't quite fit the role. The story in this form didn’t work out well in terms of acting or directing, and I can only console myself with the thought that it could have been worse. / Lesson learned: Call an ambulance before you need to. You never know...

Quite a bizarre ride. The creators gave us a taste of 19th-century European setting only to shift gears into a spectacle straight out of a Jules Verne film. Surprisingly, I found that if feminist themes are presented in a fun and not overly aggressive way (instead of being forced down my throat like foie gras), I can actually enjoy them. Let's face it, us guys can be real jerks sometimes. The filmmakers nailed it, and I really liked how Bellina's Parisian career was handled. However, I couldn’t stop thinking about the unsettlingly pedophilic vibes from Max McCandless. The film had its oddities, but Emma Stone clearly had a blast with her role. I loved the visuals and dialogue and even found myself laughing at times. So, despite its quirks, I couldn’t rate it below a four. / Lesson learned: You learn something new every day.

Going in Style didn’t really wow me, so I approached Zach Braff's new film with low expectations. But, in the end, I was quite satisfied. I wasn’t blown away — the film didn't dive as deep as I’d hoped. It focused heavily on various addictions, and I would have liked more interaction and dialogue between Allison and Daniel. Still, it wasn’t a bad movie, and I almost gave it four stars. What I found particularly interesting was the portrayal of a person who sentences himself to life imprisonment for causing the deaths of two people, despite trying to downplay or deny his guilt. It made me think of all those unfortunate souls whose traumatic childhoods led them to commit murder as adults, and who then mock the victims' families during their usually mild sentences. I doubt Braff intended this, but his film prompted these thoughts, and I credit him for that. / Lesson learned: I’ll borrow a quote from the movie: "Comparison is the thief of joy." 3*+

If someone had told me face-to-face that Matthew Vaughn could make a movie that would disappoint me, I would have laughed them off. Well, not anymore. This movie was bad in so many ways. The script was desperately weak, and I can't fathom why Vaughn got involved. Sure, I can see the financial appeal, but did he really think it was worth it? Apparently, he did. Initially, it felt like a rip-off of The Man from Acapulco, and I definitely enjoyed the French version more. As the story unfolded, it took a different direction, which could have been fine if I had actually enjoyed the movie. But between the digital overload and the mostly unconvincing performances (except for Sam Rockwell, who couldn’t save it alone), I just couldn't find the fun. This movie just didn’t work for me. / Lesson learned: If you want to become a secret agent, train a cat.

The French filmmakers' approach to the second part of their story noticeably lagged behind the first installment but still felt like the best adaptation of Dumas's often nonsensical inventions. It seems one of the creators actually did some research on French history in addition to following the book, because Cardinal Richelieu didn't come across as a bloodthirsty power-hungry beast. I'm not saying that creative license wasn't involved, but that was okay since it wasn't a historical documentary. But... King Louis XIII's African godchild was really too much for me. The current politically correct propaganda increasingly reminds me of a totalitarian regime where you are told what to think because the party and the government hammer it into your head. / Lesson learned: You'd never believe how much action and dialogue someone with a broken back can pull off. 4*-

I already liked Jun'ichi Okada in Hell Dogs, so I was curious to see if I’d have just as much fun this time. I didn't. Well, I did, but not as much. I haven't seen the Korean original, so I can't compare, but I think the Japanese did a pretty decent job with the theme. After the first ten minutes, Yuji Kudo's day can basically be summed up by this joke: / A man is walking along the riverbank when he comes across a ten-year-old girl crying. "What happened, why are you crying?" he asks. "Both my parents drowned in the river just now," the girl sobs. "Girl, let me tell you, you're having a bad day," says the man, unzipping his pants. / If it wasn't clear from what I've written so far, Detective Kudo is like that unfortunate little girl in this scenario. Despite the grim premise, this thriller made me smile several times because it occasionally blurred the line between thriller and comedy, and in this case, I don't consider that a creative flaw. On the other hand, the Terminator-esque sequence in the last twenty minutes definitely was a creative misstep. If it weren’t for that, I would have given it four stars. / Lesson learned: If you're having a bad day, it's better to stay at home. 3*+

This movie was right up my alley. The filmmakers really pulled out all the stops and made a film zipped by like blood on an autopsy table, the story made sense, the plot was just right, the cast was solid, and I got a kick out of watching Linda's transformation. And those morgue details? Morbidly fascinating. I rarely enjoy a German thriller, but this one had me hooked. Sure, there were a few hiccups along the way, like the annoyingly clichéd finale or the landlines not working except for the one in the morgue, but I'm giving it a solid four stars. / Lesson learned: With the right motivation, you can achieve almost anything.

My recent dive into Asian cinema has been quite the journey, prompting me to wonder, "Where will it end?" It's hard to say, especially when gems like Kim's film catch my eye and keep me thoroughly entertained. Why rush back to the familiar territory of European or American cinema filled with political correctness? The Koreans here played with my expectations, and I fell for their tricks hook, line, and sinker. Initially, I was grumbling about the apparent lameness of a Korean take on Face/Off after twenty-six years, but the creators swiftly proved me wrong, humbling my overconfidence and leaving me pondering the value of humility. However, let's not overlook the fact that the script stumbled over its own rules at times. Despite this flaw, it was an entertaining (albeit far-fetched) piece that kept me engaged throughout. None of the Korean actors overacted wildly, making for a comfortably enjoyable experience. / Lesson learned: Where physical force fails, chemistry takes over. 4*-

Netflix's latest surprise left me with mixed feelings. It's evident now that fairy tales can't be approached the same way as in the old days when the world was binary and only men toted swords and wore armor. Nope, in today's progressive era, every princess is expected to save herself, even if the way she holds an axe makes it obvious that she wouldn't survive the winter. I kinda hoped our main heroine would develop a thing for the muscular blacksmith's daughter, but no such luck. The CGI was hit or miss, the psychopathic mother felt more like a manticore, and the plot didn't keep me hooked. It was just another tale of Girl Power, with occasional moments of interest but mostly a bit dull, sometimes unintentionally funny (that burnt dragon!), and not as fun as I'd hoped. The logic holes were monstrous at times; I couldn't wrap my head around how the abyss didn't spell doom for anyone. Plus, the lead actress didn't exactly light up the screen, so the slow striptease didn't do much for me. But hey, it could've been worse, like in The Princess. / Lesson learned: If you're stuck in a dark cave, keep an eye out for multipurpose worms.