Ben-Hur

Leaving aside Wyler's version, the beloved film of the epic sandal genre, you're left with prefabricated agitprop about the legacy of Nazareth's most famous carpenter, with Kazakhstan's most famous cultural export currently cataloging it with a CGI generator whose algorithm someone forgot to turn off for the visuals of a full-screen TV series, so you're just waiting for M.F. to explain it all to you at the end, and this time he doesn't (oops, spoiler). (17.12.2016)

Despite the rather long running time is quite long, the narrative jumps around with sudden changes. Bang - his (almost) brother departs, bang - he’s a galley slave, bang - he’s a chariot racer, bang - (too many spoilers). It is impossible to form even the slightest attachment to any of the characters; they evoke no sympathy whatsoever. The special effects scream with artificiality and the chariot race, which is supposed to be the highlight of the film, was so unrealistic that I laughed my way through it. The horses, chariots and chariot racers broke all the rules of physics. Everything was in such a rush that would make an F1 racer dizzy: this was just horses on speed. Moreover, the aftermath of the race suggests that after race the stable owners would have to find new horses, new riders and probably a new medics for the stadium. ___ And the hero's spiritual transformation at the end was just so sudden. His few fleeting encounters with Jesus did not justify such a change. Especially since it always seemed like the hero didn't even notice Jesus. So again: scenes that were meant to be moving and profound were just mechanical with zero emotional impact. IN A NUTSHELL: Laughter is probably not the reaction to the chariot races intended by the filmmakers. They just didn't do anything to trigger anything else. (14.04.2023)

For me, this film is a candidate for one of the most useless remakes ever made. I thought it would be two hours just to lead up to an absolutely incredible four-horse carriage scene, but it turned out that even in this regard, the classic couldn't be surpassed. A little strange, but it's true. A useless film. (12.12.2016)